Inspired by Exodus 17:1-7
People of Israel! This is a solemn
assembly before the Lord!
That means you, Hebrews! Move, you sons of Jacob. If I don’t see your
Chosen-by-God butts out here in front of me and solemnly assembled by the time
that cloud covers the sun, you are going to be one sorry, thirsty, miserable
bunch of worthless Egyptian slaves!
Alright, you people, avert your faces. I said
avert! Don’t you eye-ball me ‘cause I’m ashamed to look at your pathetic mugs.
I’ve just had me a little talk with the
Commander. That would be Adonai Eloheinu the Lord Our God Almighty Creator and
Ruler of the Frickin’ Universe. And He is not happy. And if He is not happy, I am not happy. And if I am not happy, you whiney sissies—sure
as the Red Sea is wet—aren’t gonna be happy. As your prophet and deliverer, I
will personally guarantee your misery.
You people have been complaining, grumbling,
quarreling, whining, crying, belly-aching and guff-talking long enough. And it’s
gonna stop. You don’t like me..? Well I’m not in love with you either. You’re
one stiff-necked bunch of people, but you’re gonna learn some flexibility in a
by-God quick hurry. We’re on a mission from God here, and we’re going to
complete it or die trying.
I don’t have to be here, you know. I volunteered for this mission to save
those worthless stiff necks of yours. I was adopted by Pharaoh’s daughter. I
was raised in a palace as a flippin’ prince, but when I saw one of my Hebrew
comrades being mistreated, I stepped up and did my duty and took out the Egyptian
low-life who was doing the mistreating. Then I had to lamb it out to Midian to
keep from being killed. I could’ve stayed there, too. I had a wife and flocks
and herds to tend. But God called me up, and when God calls, you do your duty.
I was out watching over my livestock when
I heard a voice call to me. “Moses! Moses! Take off your sandals, for you’re
standing on Holy Ground.” And then I saw it—a bush on fire, but not consumed. Think of that, you bunch
of sniveling whiners! God appeared as a living thing, giving off the source of
all life. Heat, Light. Energy. Yet never being diminished at all. Not even a
tiny bit.
I asked Him to tell me his name, and he
just said, “I Am.” That’s right. God IS. From everlasting to everlasting.
So I accepted the rescue mission. It was
dangerous, but I said “yes” because it’s my duty to be here for you people. Was
I scared? Heck yeah! We’re all scared, but that’s why we all have each other’s
backs.
This isn’t about me or what I’ve done.
This is about what God has done. This isn’t your Ra-Ra Egyptian sacrifice-a-cow-so-the-Nile-doesn’t-flood
sun god. This isn’t some golden statue. This is the God who called your
ancestor Abraham to leave his home and find the Promised Land. This is the God
who used your ancestor Joseph to save our people from famine. This is the God
who inspired Egyptian midwives to stand up to Pharaoh and save you all from
genocide. This is the God who rained ten of the un-godliest plagues ever known down
on the heads of your oppressors and set you worthless slaves free from slavery.
And this is the God who, when we were backed up against the Red Sea, parted the
waters and wiped out the entire cavalry and infantry of the enemy. And if that wasn’t enough for you, this is the
God who has provided your rations of manna and quail here in the wilderness.
Now just what more does God have to do for
you before you learn to trust and obey Him?
Tomorrow we move out and advance to Mount
Horeb where we will make camp and re-supply ourselves with water. We will also
wait there to receive new orders (I believe there will be about ten of them).
And let me remind you, these new orders will not be requests. They will not be
suggestions. They will be the Commandments
of God and you people will follow them, understood?
And a word about the water you’re going to
get tomorrow: I guarantee you, you will
be thirsty again. We’re in a desert, people, so you better make up your minds here
and now to eat, drink, sleep wake, cough, sneeze, scratch your heads, and relieve
your bladders in the trust of God. You will march ahead, or you will die as a
people here in the wilderness.
Any questions?
Good. I’m delighted to see that the
Children of Israel have such a large capacity for understanding the concept.
You are dismissed.
Dear
Readers,
I
hope you’re having fun with my little flights of imagination during the season
of Lent. I’ve actually written these fanciful monologues to be performed as
sermons, as I believe that the wonderful characters of the Hebrew Scriptures
have in their stories messages for the Christian Church today. Adam reminds us
of God’s great forgiveness. Abraham, whose faith was reckoned as righteousness,
still doubted as often as any of us. Moses, whom I was inspired to fashion as a
military leader (I got the idea from my daughter, a US Army veteran), reminds
us to trust in God by remembering what God has already done and continues to do
for us. I will also be creating words for King David and Ezekiel too. As I read
the stories in the Bible, I realize that they are still our stories, and are
as contemporary as tomorrow.
A
blessed Lenten season to you all. Thanks for stopping by.
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