“Do not judge, and
you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive
and you will be forgiven.” (Luke 6:37)
Okay. Nobody’s family is
perfect. I won’t say my own family was completely dysfunctional, but I
can’t help but recall a troubled time in my youth when my dad, being out of
work, fell prey to a multi-level marketing operation. For at least a year in the
history of the Griffiths clan my parents were suckered into a combination
religious cult and Ponzi scheme. The outfit which seduced my unemployed pater
promised to save the world through its health food, vitamin supplements, and non-toxic
cleaning products. It also promised that—if the Old Man could sell enough of
their stuff and convince others to sell it too—he could get stinking rich in no
time. The company offered the perfect incentive of altruism mixed with greed.
So, for over a year or
so, my sisters and I were subject to our parents’ holier-than-off-the-retail-shelf
zeal about these wonderful supplements and cleansers and were forced to partake
of supposedly healthy snacks and protein drinks. For kids raised on Fruit
Loops and Coco Puffs, this was like asking us to eat spoonsfull of
dirt. Fortunately, my dad realized that he wasn’t cut out to be a hustling
salesman, and the spell was broken. I never found out how much money he lost on
that deal.
Everybody’s family has
some embarrassing moments in their history. Yours does too. If you ever feel
uneasy about the people who raised you, I suggest you start reading the Book of
Genesis beginning at chapter 12. There you’ll find the stories of the Great Patriarchs
of the Judeo-Christian-Islamic faiths, and—in case you think your family
is messed up—you’ll be the Brady Bunch compared to folks God called to
be a blessing to the nations.
In the First Lesson for
Epiphany 7, Year C in the Revised Common Lectionary (Genesis 45:3-11, 15), we get
the culmination of the story of Jacob’s children. Jacob was married to two wives
simultaneously. This was the result of some treachery practiced on him by his
own uncle. He slept with both wives and with their lady’s maids and had
children with all four women. Unfortunately, he only really loved one of the
women and favored her son, Joseph, over all his other progeny. This caused the
boy’s jealous brothers to want him dead. In an act of forbearance, however, they
decided only to sell their brother into slavery in a foreign land and tell
their Old Man the kid was eaten by a lion. I guess they thought that was the
decent way of getting rid of a sibling they hated.
Fast forward several
years, and a famine strikes the land of Israel. Joseph, through a lot of
adventures I won’t go into, has become the Prime Minister of Egypt. His ten
treacherous brothers come down to Egypt looking to buy grain and don’t
recognize this aristocratic Egyptian as the brother they betrayed. Joseph now
has his enemies in his clutches, but he finds out from them that his kid brother,
Benjamin (the younger son of his birth mother), is still living with Dad back
in the land of Canaan. Joseph decides against having his ten brothers executed
as spies but tricks them into going back to Canaan and bringing Benjamin with
them. When they return with the boy Joseph frames Benjamin for theft so he can
keep him with him in Egypt. One of Joseph’s older brothers, Judah, then makes a
rather selfless move. He tells the Egyptian bigwig that their aging father will
die of a broken heart if Benjamin doesn’t come home to him. He then offers to
stay in Egypt as Joseph’s slave in order to let his little half-brother go
free.
This heroic offer touches
Joseph. He has an attack of conscience, reveals his true identity to his
brothers, forgives them for their past dirty deeds, and offers to move them and
their father down to Egypt to escape the hard economic times and enjoy his
wealth and good fortune. Forgiveness and reconciliation save God’s chosen
people and Genesis concludes on a pretty cheerful note. Roll the credits.
Unfortunately, not every
family’s saga ends happily ever after. There are some hurts which just can’t be
swept aside so easily. There are children estranged from parents and siblings
who won’t speak to each other. There are wounds which go so deep they just can’t
be brushed off, and Jesus’ admonition in the Gospel Lesson (Luke 6:27-38) about
loving enemies, praying for abusers, and turning the other cheek may sound
empty, impossible, or even stupid to some people.
When we’re trapped in
these inter-personal animosities, I think there are three things to consider.
The first is empathy. Before we decide to curse someone into the fires of Hell,
it might be a good idea to try to understand what lies beneath their actions or
words. It might be fear or hurt. Knowing this, of course, doesn’t excuse the
behavior of an abuser, but it might have a softening effect on those who are
abused.
(I was, of course, only
kidding earlier about my parents’ crazy embrace of the multi-level marketing
scam. My sisters and I never considered we were ever abused. But, as I muse on
this episode, I realize that every stupid thing we’ve ever done must’ve seemed
like a good idea at the time. My folks were the product of their own time and
upbringing. They’d lived through the Great Depression, and they had no desire
to relive it.)
The real goal for all of
us should be reconciliation. If you were Joseph and you saw the brother who had
betrayed you become Benjamin’s protector—sacrificing himself to protect
your little brother and your dad, you might come to believe that he’s seen the
error of his ways. True reconciliation comes with repentance. An honest “I’m
sorry” is just as important as an “I forgive you.” But it’s hard to bring someone
to contrition if you’ve constantly got them on the defensive. That’s why
empathy is so important.
Finally, a time comes
when we need to practice some self-love. President Nixon famously said in his
farewell to the White House staff, “Others may hate you, but those who hate you
don’t win unless you hate them. And when you do, you destroy yourself.” Despite
its historical irony, this was a very wise remark. Contrition is important for
forgiveness, but not necessary. There are times when reconciliation is just not
possible. Still, we choose to forgive because holding onto hatred is poisonous to
our souls.
What would Jesus do? What
would he have us do? This passage from Luke speaks for itself.
Think of others, my
friend. Be open to forgiveness. Thanks for letting me share.
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