“For salvation is nearer
to us now than when we became believers…” (Romans
13:11b)
If you live long enough,
you’re going to run into people who just get on your last nerves. In my own
time I’ve had to put up with some people whom I’d much rather have thrown down
a flight of stairs. I’ll admit this isn’t exactly a shining example of the way
God would have us deal with conflict or with individuals we find difficult
(Hey! I’m only human!). Fortunately, the scripture lessons for Pentecost 15,
Year A in the Revised Common Lectionary (Matthew 18:15-20 and Romans 13:8-14)
offer us a glimpse of the way our Lord would want us to deal with the
obnoxious, wrong-headed, stubborn, and infuriating in our midst.
In chapter 18 of
Matthew’s gospel Jesus takes a break from his usual Jesus stuff of performing
miracles, healing the sick, and casting out demons to give the disciples (who
seem to be hung up on seeking status) a little lesson on how folks ought to be
living their lives. This includes some words about dealing with people who make
you want to throw things at them. This is just some frank, practical, common
sense stuff.[i]
Somebody’s causing trouble? Here’s what you do:
First: You go to this
person and talk to them privately. Chances are you’re going to get whatever
your issue is worked out. If you don’t…
Second: Ask one or two
folks you trust to mediate this problem between you and the other person.
You’re not blabbing about this to everyone and their cousin Javier. Just keep
it between you, the person you’re concerned with, and a few discrete friends
who are willing to listen to both sides. If that
doesn’t settle the matter…
Third: You can go to the
church or the higher-ups or whomever and ask for a policy decision, and if your
opponent gets their shorts in a bunch over that…
Finally: There has to be
some kind of penalty. Maybe it’s revoking voting rights or asking this person
to step down from a position of authority. It may simply be your conscious
decision to avoid this individual until such a time as the dust settles, your
blood pressure goes back to normal, and you can be around them without wanting
to choke the life out of them. Jesus says to let such a one be like a Gentile
or tax collector—just remember Jesus
loved Gentiles and tax collectors. It doesn’t have to mean complete
excommunication. The goal isn’t to punish jerks (as much as we might like to!).
It is always to restore broken
relationships.
I’ve had to resort to
this formula a few times in the quarter century of my ministry. Most of the
time it works. The problems always seem to come when we’re not willing to talk
to people face-to-face. We let our resentment marinate or we whine about our
grievances behind the back of the person who has offended us, triangulating
with people who have no friggin’ business being involved and probably would
rather you didn’t walk through their brains in the muddy boots of your
resentment.
Jesus told us “There is
nothing hidden that won’t be revealed.[ii]” When there’s conflict
within a congregation, a company, a club, or in your own home, people are going
to feel it. It’ll get out somehow. If it’s not addressed, folks are going to
form their own opinions about it, and, eventually, those opinions are going to
become fact. My old bishop, Roy Almquist, used to warn that, “There are
nineteen different explanations for everything. Eighteen of them are wrong.”
When some bone-headed speculation gets repeated often enough it becomes the
truth, and such a “truth” can become toxic to the community involved.
The older I get, the more
I realize the quality of life has almost everything to do with the quality of
relationships. In the Second Lesson for Pentecost 15 Saint Paul explains the
fulfillment of God’s Law is love of neighbor. We are meant to be in harmonious
relationship with one another.
When, in verse 11, Paul
reminded the Romans, “salvation is nearer to us now than when we became
believers,” he probably was thinking the End Times were approaching and Jesus
would be making a return engagement any minute. When I read this now, however,
I start to think my End Times are
approaching. Since I’ve embarked on the seventh decade of my life, I realize
there’s a lot more of the road behind me than ahead of me. All the reveling, drunkenness,
debauchery, licentiousness, quarreling and jealousy Paul talks about (of which
I certainly have done my share in my youth) seem very trivial and unimportant
now when stacked up against a simple desire to live at peace with God and my neighbor
in the years I still have left.
Jesus came that we might
be reconciled with God. Our Sabbath worship always begins with confession and
absolution, a reminder of this reconciliaton. If we accept that God accepts us, our task must be in finding a
reconciling relationship with the earth, with those who have been shut out or
forgotten, and maybe even with those who are closest to us who make us crazy
from time to time.
Look: Nobody’s yet invented
a time machine which would allow us to go back and fix things which have
already happened. We can only deal with the here and now and try to make the
days ahead be as pleasing to God as we, in our not-so-perfect flesh, can. So
let’s get over ourselves. After all, the night is far gone, the day is near.
Thanks again for spending
some time with me this week. Leave me a comment and let me know if there’s
something you’d like to discuss.
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