Family in the Time of Cyborgs (Reflections on Pentecost 14, Year A)

“For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them” (Matthew 18:20)

As a rule, funerals are pretty solemn affairs. I know. I do a ton of them. I’m something of the Barry Bonds of neighborhood funerals. But the one I did this past week was actually kind of fun—if a funeral could ever be called fun. It was for a sixty-seven year-old guy named Jody who played the bass in an oldies cover band. He gigged up and down the East Coast and all around the Philly area and managed to achieve his lifetime goal of never having to work a 9 to 5 job. Granted, sixty-seven is still pretty young measured by today’s yardstick of life expectancy, but Jody got to live his life playing music, hanging with his band-mates, and generally having a pretty good time.

What struck me about this service was the vibe from the folks who came to see Jody off. Even though they loved him and would certainly miss the guy, they had this really funky energy. It was like they were at a big family reunion, and everyone was tickled to giggles about being together. That’s something I’ve always noticed about the whacky gaggle of actors, musicians, dancers and performers of various types who’ve crossed my path back in the day—there’s this great comradery between folks who’ve spent their time working together on something creative or inspiring. They become like a family. As I watched the crowd at Jody’ funeral, I thought to myself, “Damn. I wish Sunday morning church always felt like this!”

There are lots of different ways to be a family. You don’t have to swim in the same gene pool.  The gospel reading appointed in the RCL for Pentecost 14 (Matthew18:15-20) is all about how we are a family in Christ. It’s generally believed that Matthew’s gospel was written in the last quarter of the First Century, C.E. Christianity had spread all across the Mediterranean world, but the Roman Empire was taking a pretty dim view of it. There had already been one official persecution of Christians, and being part of the faith family had lots of drawbacks and dangers. That’s why Matthew emphasizes the need for togetherness and forgiveness. The family had to know how to stick together or the faith would be lost.

Verses 15 through 17 are about discipline within the clan. In fact, this formula for handling family spats is actually part of the Model Constitution for ELCA congregations. When someone screws up, you’re supposed to go to them privately so as not to embarrass them. If that doesn’t work, take a few friends so you have witnesses of what was said. If that doesn’t work, then you can involve the rest of the community. Nevertheless, the goal, as stated in verse 15b is to regain your brother or sister. Chastising someone for pissing you off—no matter how much you think they deserve it—is not as important in our faith as bringing them back into a loving and respectful relationship

BTW: The word the New Revised Standard Version Bible translates as “member of the church” in v. 15a is, in Greek “adelphos” (adelfos), which literally means “brother.” (The NRSV translators just didn’t want to use gender-biased language. I think that’s pretty nice of them, don’t you? I mean, given the times we live in, a little inclusivity is certainly appropriate—especially in the church!) Fellow believers are considered to be blood relatives or siblings. Maybe “brother or sister” would better serve our understanding here.

In verse 17b, Jesus tells us to treat someone who unrepentantly disrupts the fellowship as “a Gentile and a tax collector.” But think of this: Just how did Jesus regard Gentiles and tax collectors? Even though they were outcasts, he always tried to bring them back into his posse. We in the church might—as a very last resort—have to turn our backs on someone who is just causing too much trouble; nevertheless, we never lock the door on them. I’m beginning to think that Jesus’ comment about “binding and loosing” in verse 18 is more of a warning than it is a commission to let dumbass people like us decide who is and who isn’t fit for the Kingdom of God. After all, we keep asking God to forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. I don’t know about you, but I’d hate to approach the throne of Grace having bound a grudge against someone to myself.

And speaking of “binding and loosing,” maybe the church has done just a little too much of this lately. An online Sojourners post quotes a survey from the Public Religion Research Institute which notes that Christian activism against things like gay marriage, decriminalization of marijuana, and abortion has been a pretty big turn-off to younger Americans. The church needs to be the place where we feel sheltered, included, and loved—not the place where we feel judged and ostracized.

I believe the hunger we have for belonging is growing greater every day. Our culture is starving itself for want of family connection. We live in suburban gated communities, drive around isolated in our cars, and have grafted ourselves to our cellular devices to the point that we’ve become cyborgs. Even in places like your local Starbucks, the sort of communal living room, no one talks to anyone. We’ve all got our eyes fixed on our touch screens. Facebook may keep us informed about each other (and perpetually competitive, too, but that’s another subject!), but it doesn’t allow us to have real, human interaction. We need to be together, eat together, sing together, pray together, and love together.

If we want to see the face of Christ, we have to come and see him in each other. We have to want to be a family.

Thanks for being my siblings. I love you guys.